Attack on Eren!
by Bunny Girl Nox
Summary: My take on the last episode of season 1. When Eren comes out of his Titan form looking very different, all logic goes out the window. Gender Bender. Female Eren and Mikasa. Slightly crazy Scouts.


AN: This came to me in my head a few moments ago. It's just a little fic I thought up. Silly me though, I hadn't even counted on how ridiculous it might seem to someone else. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Takes after the last episode of the first season. It's a crack-ish fic, by the way.

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Beta: None.

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Gender Bend... How?!

Jean just stared at the bed. Well, it wasn't as if there wasn't anything else interesting...like Mikasa's bac-No! He had to control himself. He was a gentlemen. Besides, Mikasa could practically kill Titans on instinct. Who knows what she could do if she found out his thought process?

He shivered, picturing the raging ravenhead using her sword to cut down his family jewels, all the while he told her that he liked her hair longer. That wasn't something he'd like to entertain any further.

Keeping the beautiful, full lipped, voluptuous - **kind **- woman in his mind, Jean allowed himself a mental breath of relief. That was before his tracherous thoughts came back to bite him.

Eren this; Eren that; where's my Eren? Are you my Eren? I want to have Eren's babies! Okay, Jean knew he was over-exaggerating Mikasa's behaviour when it came to her Eren's safety just a little bit. But really, what the hell?

They were family, right? From the way Mikasa acted towards the loud mouthed, hotheaded idiot, Jean would have mistaken them for a couble, albeit a very weird couple.

Mikasa would always seem so composed and nonchalant most times, but whenever Eren got into trouble, she would go all batshit crazy, like someone told her that her brother was a Titan...

Okay, maybe that wasn't a good way to put it since Eren **was** **indeed **a Titan, human, thing. Honestly, Jean didn't know what Eren was. What he did know was that Mikasa really loved Eren, and that was the scary part.

Mikasa didn't exactly love Eren in a way Jean would describe as sibling affection. No, she loved him a little more than that, bordering on incestuous desires and obsession. Even if they weren't related, they were still family. But Mikasa would probably scare any potential threat that came a hundred feet near Eren, whether it being a Titan, or competition for her brother's attention. She was probably waiting for an opportunity to tie Eren down and do the dead herself. Hell, he could see it for himself, but he refused to believe any of his ludicrous thoughts. I mean, that was just sick, right..?

Eren, you lucky bastard...

Well, Jean wouldn't be calling him a bastard anymore.

He didn't know how exactly to put it. But in short, the Eren on the bed wasn't who he remembered at all. In fact, he wasn't even a he anymore.

Yep, Eren had boobs, not man-boobs, but succulent, juicy-STOP IT!

Jean shook his head to get rid of such a rivulting thought. But one stare, one glance at the bed again, cemented the evidence that his mind still could not process.

Laying on the bed was Eren, or more specifically, the person that was retrieved from Eren's Titan form. Her - yes, you guessed it - her form was as petite as Ackerman's. Her hair was long and curled delicately above her forhead and around her feminine, sleeping face... Oh God, Jean wanted to hurl again.

Why did this have to happen? As if Annie's betrayal wasn't bad enough, Eren was suddenly replaced with...that.

'That's still Eren,' he mentally berated. There was no way in hell he would see that girl-guy as otherwise.

Why did Eren change into a girl? The hell if Jean knew. He would have thought it impossible if he wasn't there to see it himself. And he was there, along with almost everyone else.

Some took Eren's change...strangely. Mikasa started to cry, spewing obscenities about losing Eren's manhood. Sure, they had all been pretty freaked out with the usually stoic soldier bawling her eyes out and begging for Eren's privates to return, but Mikasa hadn't been the only one to let her emotions known.

Connie burst out laughing. No one knew what he was laughing about, especially considering that thousands of people died and Annie had encased herself in a crystallic substance. But he laughed, doubling over and holding his sides. The poor kid, fighting Titans must have finally taken it's toll on him. Now, he would probably get into drugs and alcohol.

Sasha ran away. It was later discovered that she used the mysterious opportunity to steal as much meat as she could. Reiner had to constantly point out that the meat she was picking off the grounds was not eatable. Well, it was, but...that was just sick and wrong. The look on her face was priceless - if situations hadn't been so dire.

Armen put up a good front, but as soon as they extracted Eren from his deteriorating Titan body, blondie had a nose bleed and fainted. Most people had been surprised, never pegging the innocent looking blonde for a pervert. It's always the quiet ones...

Back to the predicament at hand. Jean looked at the bed again, insistently telling himself that Eren did **not **look cute. He wasn't gay, and this troubling gender change was putting his very sexuality into account.

If he thought Eren was attractive, then that would automatically mean he was into guys. At least, that's what he thought anyway. He was definitely not into guys.

He could just lie and say that Eren was ugly, but he would **know** that he was lying, and that pissed him off.

His musings were cut short with the occupant of the bed yawning. Jean mentally prepared himself for what was to happen.

Eren opened his eyes. The first thing he could see was Mikasa. Her face was a mask of worry and grief?

Then there was Armin. He looked relieved, yeah, but there was this look in his eye - a look that forced a shiver out of Eren. He really didn't want to know what was going on in his best friend's head, all of a sudden. For some reason unknown to him, he felt like berating Armin for staring at him funny.

Oh, then there was Jean. He was slouched against a wall and glaring at him. Eren knew they weren't really buddies but he kind of felt self-conscious with how the brunette drank in his form. What the hell was up with that?

"Eren?"

Eren turned his head and looked at Mikasa. She seemed elated, yet heartbroken.

"Oh my God, it is you."

Eren frowned at her. He didn't expect her to sound so reproachful. Usually, she would be babying him until he had to whack some sense into her, or headbutt - whichever way worked. But in all his life in knowing Mikasa, he had never seen her so down. She looked crushed, and that didn't feel good, especially for him.

"Mikasa, Armin, what happened..?"

Everyone just stared at him.

Eren's eyes were as large as dinner plates. His hands had already latched on to his mouth. He had to be hearing things. What happened to his voice?

"Well, um, Eren," Mikasa bit her lip, unsure of where to start, "do you remember what happened before you woke up here?"

Eren was afraid to answer, dreading the worst. He tried again, "I remember An-"

His hands shot to his mouth again. What the hell was up with his voice? It sounded higher than Mikasa's!

"Eren... Do you...feel different?"

"... Something's wrong with my voice."

"That isn't the only thing," Jean chimed in.

Eren directed his gaze on the brunette and scowled. "What do you mean?"

"Come on," Jean groaned, ignoring the warning looks from Mikasa and Armin, "you should have noticed by now that you have breasts!"

Eren blinked at him. He looked down at himself. Then, he screamed.

"What's going on?!"

"Eren, calm down," Armin said gently.

Eren didn't calm down. She analysed her body, grabbing anything she could touch. She grabbed her breast roughly and winced. Why were they so sensitive!?

Her face turned pale. No, please no - she just couldn't bare the thought of losing something so important to her.

Fearfully, her hands glided under the blankets. She gulped when she approached her intended target. She roamed around. At first, she was subtle, but she soon panicked. She searched timorously.

Nothing.

"Kyaaa!"

"Eren, calm down!"

"Wah, it's gone!"

"What's gone?"

"My thingy!"

"..."

"..."

"... At least you got a nice rack on you-No, don't say that!"

"... Wah!"

"Now look what you did, Jean!"

"Me, I didn't need to do anything to make him cry like a baby."

"You asshole! Wah!"

"... It is a bit wierd that Eren **is **crying like a baby."

"H-He can't help it. It's probably too much to take in!"

"... Trust Mikasa to defend him."

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing, darling!"

Mikasa blinked and looked at Jean. "Darling?"

"... You heard nothing."

"Bu-"

"Nothing!"

"Shut up! Wah!" Eren wailed.

"Can't wait until Krista hears about this. She'll be all like 'Eren is percious no matter what he is. I love him, just like I love everything!'"

Armin glowered at Jean. "You have serious issues, dude."

"Bite me."

Mikasa turned her attention back to her brother. "Eren?"

Eren averted her gaze, evidently still in shock. "Go... I don't want anyone in here right now."

Mikasa frowned, but she understood not to argue at this point. "Uhhm...okay?"

They soon left the hero, alone and confused.

"Damn," Connie rasped, laying on his stomach on a nearby roof, watching the whole scene. "I so wished for some lesbian action between Eren and Mikasa."

"... A-Aren't cameras, I don't know, a little into the future or something?" Bertholdt, who was laying beside him, queried.

Connie dropped the camera. "Dude, what are you, the time police?"

"No."

"So are you just gonna sit there, or are you gonna help me record some porn?"

"... I like porn?"

"Exactly, man."


End file.
